Counting the petals
by Misura
Summary: [S x B] Schuldig's pov for first chapter, Crawford's for second. Schuldig wonders what he feels for Crawford.
1. Schuldich

Counting the petals  
  
Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz.  
  
Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. Schuldich pov.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------  
  
I don't know when it happened, really.  
  
We agreed both that there would be no such things as feelings involved when we started having this ... this thing that is not a relationship.  
  
And it was enough then.  
  
But I find myself wanting something more from you lately than just a good fuck.  
  
I can hardly believe my own thoughts.  
  
'A good fuck' is all I've ever wanted in any relationship I've ever had. You know how many there have been and I could tell you there are still quite some you don't even know about.  
  
I probably won't tell you, however.  
  
Not because I think you'd care anything about them, but because I know you would not care about them at all. They are after all part of my past. Unimportant and to be forgotten.  
  
I wonder what you'd say if I told you I had another relationship in the present as well.  
  
Of course, such is not the case, but still I wonder what your reaction would be.  
  
Not enough to actually tell you however.  
  
You probably wouldn't care about that too.  
  
Though I'd like to think you would. I'd like to think it would hurt you when I said there was another one in my bed. But that's just wishful thinking.  
  
You can't always have what you want, they say.  
  
Is it possible too to never have what you really want ? To waste your life longing for something that'll never ever be yours ? I can't imagine not wanting you, and yet ...  
  
I sit here, waiting for you to come home.  
  
Have you already seen me in your Visions ? Will you be happy to see me ?  
  
This ... concern about whether or not you'll be pleased with me is truly pathetic, I know.  
  
I used to say anything I wanted to you, just to see you get annoyed.  
  
But that was when there was nothing I had to loose.  
  
Now I do have something to loose, and even though it's not much, it's still better than nothing at all. I guess. But I've never been one to be careful, to be satisfied with what I have and accept that I can't have everything. I take chances. I play for double or nothing. Only this time, I hesitate to toss the dice. They might leave me with nothing and I don't think I could deal with that.  
  
So I'll wait for you and not tell you how I feel.  
  
I don't have your Gift, I can't foresee what will happen if ... no ... when I do tell you.  
  
Eventually I will. It's not my nature to remain silent. Even if I'd be much better off that way.  
  
I will tell you I love you and you will tell me you don't love me. Will those words coming from you hurt me ? I guess it depends on what else you'll say. Will you tell me you never want to see me again, that you'll ask Esset to replace me ? Or is my love yet another thing you won't care about ? I don't know what would be worse.  
  
There just doesn't seem to be any possibility for me to win in this.  
  
So why should I want to postpone the inevitable ?  
  
I could tell you tonight and then it would be all over. Gone and lost.  
  
Maybe I will. Maybe ...  
  
****************************************  
  
A key was turned in the frontdoor's lock and Schuldich knew Crawford had returned from his one-man mission. He raised his head as Crawford entered the living room.  
  
"Hello, Brad."  
  
Crawford frowned a little. Probably still didn't like being called by his first name.  
  
"Good evening, Schuldich."  
  
To Be Continued ??? 


	2. Crawford

Counting the petals  
  
Thanks to all the people who reviewed the first chapter : I hope you won't be disappointed by this chapter. Please read the warnings/notes.  
  
Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz.  
  
Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. *Crawford* pov this time.  
  
I don't know why I took this mission. When I heard this was a mission for just one person, my first reaction was to have someone else take it. Preferrably Nagi, so that, with Farfarello safely locked in his quarters in the basement, I would have an evening on my own.  
  
On my own with Schuldich.  
  
A seductive prospect. And probably a bad idea.  
  
The mission was not a hard one ; all of us could have done it. I'm not that much of a cold bastard to send Nagi on a task too hard for him just so I can get what I want.  
  
So I told our employer we'd take care of it, put down the phone and went to tell Nagi he wouldn't be able to spend yet another night behind his computer.  
  
Before I got there, however, I cam across Schuldich. Apparently he had heard the phone ring. Not very many people have our number, so when someone does call, it usually means a mission.  
  
'Do we have another mission?'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'Something interesting, I hope. I'm bored.'  
  
I wondered there and then if he meant he was bored with me as well. And I wished for the hundredth time my Gift would allow me a bit more information on my personal life.  
  
I can predict earthquakes, revolutions, election-results and just about everything in between. I just have to put my attention to a certain subject and its future opens to me like a book. A book I can read and in which I most of the times can add corrections. But with him and me, I can't foresee anything. I will never know if tomorrow is going to be the day he ends our relationship. And since I can't read minds, I couldn't sense if there was a second meaning to his words. So I just took them at face-value and replied to his words.  
  
'A one-man mission. Nothing special.'  
  
'I'll take it. I'm looking forward to some real action again.'  
  
Was that another hint? While I stood thinking of this, my Gift kicked in.  
  
It showed me Schuldich. For a moment I felt relief. Even the certainty of knowing when and where he'll tell me it's over would be better than not knowing, waiting for it to just happen someday.  
  
It showed me Schuldich on a mission. The mission I wanted to give to Nagi.  
  
It showed me Schuldich being shot at. Which was nothing new and nothing to get upset about. In our line of work such things are rather common and we are skilled enough not to get hit by them. Not seriously anyway. And with Schuldich's ability to move like he does, dodging bullets has never been a problem for him.  
  
It showed me Schuldich lying on a cold, stone floor, dying.  
  
I shivered. He didn't notice it. Or if he did he didn't say anything about it.  
  
'No.'  
  
'Why not?'  
  
I was definitely not going to tell him I cared too much for him to risk him getting hurt. On the other hand, I could hardly tell Schuldich 'no' and then order Nagi to do it. I knew Nagi didn't really want to do it. So I chose another option.  
  
'I will do it myself.'  
  
'But I want to do it. You don't care about it, I know.'  
  
'I will do this mission and you will stay at home. Now, I have some things I want nagi to check for me, so if you'd be so kind ...'  
  
He moved over, allowing me to pass.  
  
'Of course, Brad. Anything you like.'  
  
Anything I like. Was that a promise?  
  
What about the things you like, Schuldich? Am I one of them? One of the many?  
  
I should not lie to myself. I do know why I took this mission.  
  
It was as easy as it appeared to be at first sight. Why Schuldich would have been killed on it is a mystery to me.  
  
As I walk to our home, I notice two lights burning. One comes from Nagi's room. He seems to be practically glued to his computerchair recently. I know nor care what he finds so interesting on it. The other light comes from the living room.  
  
Schuldich is still up. Hasn't gone out to one of the clubs he so enjoys visiting.  
  
I tell myself it doesn't really mean anything.  
  
****************************************  
  
Schuldich raised his head as Crawford entered the livingroom.  
  
"Hello, Brad."  
  
No hint of any deeper feelings in his voice. Nothing to indicate he was happy to see the other one safely returned. Schuldich was just Schuldich. Arrogant and annoying.  
  
"Good evening, Schuldich."  
  
Like Crawford was just Crawford. Cool and controlled.  
  
To Be Continued ??? 


	3. Schuldich

Counting the petals  
  
Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz.  
  
Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. Schuldich pov.  
  
A good evening you said? Not really.  
  
"Were you waiting for me?"  
  
Yes, I have been waiting for you. I'd wait an eternity for you and consider it a small thing if you'd be there at the end.  
  
"No, of course not." I shrug, looking bored.  
  
Words, lies, pretexts.  
  
I was worried about you. Not because you were on a mission without me. I know how efficient you are, how well your Gift protects you.  
  
I worry because you chose to go on a one-man mission.  
  
You never did that before. Why did you do it this time?  
  
Have you finally started to enjoy the killing? Have I caused you to change, like you have changed me, neither of us conscious of it? I wish I could read your mind.  
  
I don't need my Gift to know what you'll ask next. Your mind is predictable at times.  
  
It's a logical thing to ask, and you always are that.  
  
Logical, reasoning, rational. So unlike me.  
  
"Then what are you doing here?"  
  
I start wondering the same. This whole conversation is rather senseless.  
  
"Maybe I just wasn't tired enough to go sleeping yet."  
  
For a moment I think you're going to ask further. If you would, maybe I would tell you.  
  
"Well, I am tired, so I am going to bed."  
  
Damn you, for leaving me like this! You're just walking away. From me.  
  
Nobody walks away from me. Not anymore. I always made sure I left people before they could do that to me. Of course with them, I read their minds, knew what they would do.  
  
I had my own kind of precognition. I guess you know what I'll do now. I have to ask you some day if you see 'us' in your Visions. So many questions to ask you, so many answers I may not like.  
  
Now is not the time to ask them however.  
  
The talking part of this night is nearly over, as useless as ever.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
I am not begging. I don't beg. No matter how much it sounds like it.  
  
But it's not an order either.  
  
I start to rise, my muscles stiffened from sitting here so long. No matter, you have stopped.  
  
You are waiting for me, because I asked you to.  
  
I remain silent, not yet adding what I wanted to say, enjoying this moment.  
  
The moment passes and you speak, shattering my bubble.  
  
"I am tired ,Schuldich."  
  
A tired voice. Well, I'm tired too. Why not be tired together?  
  
"So?"  
  
You lick your lips. I'd almost think you were nervous.  
  
"I want to sleep."  
  
If I'd say that, I'd sound like whining. When you say it, however, it sounds like a rejection.  
  
We all have our parts to play.  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  
I grin and grab your hand. It lies cold in mine.  
  
"Schuldich .... "  
  
"Come on, Brad, don't just stand there. You were the one who said he wanted to go to bed, remember? Cooperate a little. Otherwise I'll make sure you won't get any sleep at all tonight."  
  
I flash an image to you, showing just how I plan to do that.  
  
These words, these images ... they are what you expect of me, aren't they?  
  
You could have just gone to your room straight away, without coming to see me.  
  
****************************************  
  
Crawford sighed as Schuldich pulled him along to his room. True to his word, Schuldich allowed them some sleep that night. And though it felt good to have Crawford sleeping in his arms, trusting him like that, it still somehow wasn't quite enough.  
  
To Be Continued ??? 


	4. Crawford

Counting the petals  
  
Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz.  
  
Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. Crawford pov. will probably be 4/7.  
  
******************  
  
Before I loose the courage to do so, I ask the first question in my mind :  
  
"Were you waiting for me?"  
  
I can't think of any other reason why you'd still be here, but ...  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
You shrug. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I definitely should have seen that answer coming. It's late though, and it's easier to let things slip then.  
  
Easier to drop your guards.  
  
I scan the room, searching for something to prove you were indeed not waiting for me. I don't find anything ; the television and radio are off and there are no empty glasses.  
  
Maybe I can't find anything because I don't want to.  
  
"Then what are you doing here?"  
  
It can be very pleasant to have the illusion of being loved. There is a risk of course. You might tell me you're waiting for someone to call you on the phone.  
  
For all I know you could have just come home from a night out, though it's rather early for that.  
  
I never asked if you dated other people. I don't want to know that.  
  
You told me about your past lovers and I managed to get through that conversation without ever showing anything of the jealousy I felt for them.  
  
They were in the past while you and me are a thing of the present. And hopefully the future.  
  
Right now, I want you to tell me you waited just for me.  
  
"Maybe I just wasn't tired enough to go sleeping yet."  
  
Why don't you want to give me what I crave to hear from you?  
  
Is it because it would be a lie?  
  
Since when do you care about whether or not you're telling the truth, Schuldich?  
  
Or is it because the thought that I might want to hear such things hasn't even crossed your mind?  
  
I know I don't show emotions very often, but I thought that, without ever using words, I had told you I cared about you. That I valued our relationship.  
  
"Well, I am tired, so I am going to bed."  
  
I am so tired of keeping this up, of struggling to get to the real you.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
At first I am simply stunned by the emotion I hear in your voice. It's so unlike you.  
  
You show your feelings quite often, but the one I hear in your voice right now is not among them. And so I wait for you to say something more.  
  
But you don't.  
  
You just sit there, in silence. Until I can no longer stand it.  
  
"I am tired ,Schuldich."  
  
"So?"  
  
So I don't want you near me right now.  
  
Though the prospect of having you near me is just as alluring as always.  
  
Maybe even more than usual.  
  
I lick my lips, unsure of what to do or say. I want you but I don't want you to know that.  
  
"I want to sleep."  
  
Preferrably with you. Or no, preferrably alone. I can't make up my mind.  
  
Of course the decision isn't mine alone.  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  
You grin and grab my hand, start to drag me along.  
  
"Schuldich .... "  
  
"Come on, Brad, don't just stand there. You were the one who said he wanted to go to bed, remember? Cooperate a little. Otherwise I'll make sure you won't get any sleep at all tonight."  
  
Images flash through my mind. They turn me on, but they also turn me off.  
  
Is this all you care about?  
  
Are those images the only things you connect with me?  
  
Sighing I allow you to pull me along. You head for my room of course. You hardly ever clean yours and it's such a bother to have to be careful not to trip over things when dragging someone to your bed.  
  
Afterwards I fall asleep with your arms around me.  
  
When I wake up again it's still dark. I shift a little not wanting to disturb you.  
  
Not wanting to loose the feeling of your embrace just yet.  
  
******************  
  
Schuldich awoke to the sight of Crawford looking at him, an unusual look on his face. It was a look of affection, bordering on something more, though it could be just a trick of the light. He preferred to think it was real.  
  
And so he asked : "Do you love me?"  
To Be Continued ??? 


	5. Schuldich

Counting the petals

Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz. 

Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. Schuldich pov. will probably be 5/7.

Sorry for not posting last Monday!

******************

"Do you love me?"

The words just slip out of my mouth, before I can stop them.

And hey, I was going to say them anyway, sooner or later. 

It's not like I've lost control of myself completely.

I just want to clear things up a little.

It's not as if I'd care if you'd say no.

"No, Schuldich, I don't love you."

The look that was there in your eyes just moments ago, was it a trick of the light after all?

"You don't love me?" I ask, just to be sure.

I don't care.

"No."

I don't care how much it hurts to hear that.

"I love you, you know" I say. I even manage to smile.

Your eyes narrow a little, as if I said that just to annoy you.

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't pretend to have feelings for eachother in this."

So we did.

"And? I'm not pretending. It's true."

You shake your head.

"No."

"Yes." I reply. 

I have told you how I feel now and I'm not going to back off. 

Not before I get your real answer to my question.

"Tell me how you feel about me then."

I reach out my hand to touch you, making my voice into a soft whisper.

"How do you feel about me? Just say it."

The look in your eyes is cold as ice. I jerk back my hand, not understanding.

"Crawford?"

This is just not fair! I allow you to see me, try to talk to you and you look at me like that!

"Schuldich, let's get this straight."

Yes, let's do that.

"You don't love me."

You know, I think I do. I have been trying to tell you that. 

What makes you the expert on my feelings? I'd say I know them better than anyone else.

How can you put your logic to work if you don't acknowledge the basic facts?

"And I don't love you."

Well, I can't judge that. But about that first thing.....

"I do love you."

You hit me.

Not in any physical way.

Just by two single words.

"Get out!"

You no longer face me, like even looking at me makes you ill.

I don't understand any of this.

Slowly I rise, while my spirit is falling.

I walk to the door, open it softly and leave.

******************

As Schuldich reached his room he wondered why he hadn't stayed. It seemed he hadn't gotten any answers at all, while paying a dear price to get them. 

Staring at the ceiling of his room he lay awake in his cold bed, wondering if things would be better in the morning. Moments before he finally dropped off to sleep Schuldich concluded tomorrow probably things weren't going to be any better.

To Be Continued 

Author's endnote : Please don't judge Crawford's actions before you've read his pov. (Which will be in the next chapter). Thank you!


	6. Crawford

Counting the petals

Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz. 

Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. Crawford pov. will probably be 6/7.

******************

"Do you love me?"

A perfect moment ruined by a so simple sounding question.

Coming from you though the question isn't simple.

You told me of your previous lovers, how you loved (again that word) to hear them tell you they loved you and how they would do anything for you.

Usually you left them shortly after their confession.

I have no wish to be left by you.

"No, Schuldich, I don't love you."

That answer of course isn't to your liking.

"You don't love me?" 

Yes, I do.

"No."

"I love you, you know" You smile at me, looking laughably innocent.

I know you are not ; your name itself denies it.

Maybe I was a fool when I thought you would keep your word to me, that you would treat me any other than those who came before me.

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't pretend to have feelings for eachother in this."

It was just an agreement, nothing too solemn.

"And? I'm not pretending. It's true."

I shake my head. You are good at lying, but I've seen you do it too often to fall for it myself.

"No."

"Yes." You reply immediately.

You look so sincere it's almost painful to see.

"Tell me how you feel about me then."

You make your voice into a soft caress and your hand reaches out to my face.

"How do you feel about me? Just say it."

Just say 'I love you' so you can say 'I leave you' ?

I really don't think so, Schuldich.

I am not going to play in this sick little game of yours.

Slowly your hand is withdrawn.

"Crawford?"

You don't call me Brad. That's good.

Maybe our relationship is going to survive this night after all.

"Schuldich, let's get this straight. You don't love me. And I don't love you."

I too can lie. As well as you.

"I do love you."

It's so tempting to tell you I love you too.

To believe that for once those words are true.

That we could confess eachother our love and live happily ever after.

I hate you for seducing me like this.

"Get out!"

I don't want to see the look of hurt on your face.

It's just a mask.

I hear you rise. You are walking to the door.

You probably want me to call after you, beg you to stay.

You don't know me very well if you think I'd ever do that.

I know you.

But not enough to understand why you actually walk out.

I ordered you to go, sure.

It's not like you pay any heed to commands from me or anyone else.

You always do as you please.

You want to leave me.

And anything I might do to keep you with me will make you leave me all the sooner.

******************

The warm spot on Crawford's bed where Schuldich had been cooled down quickly. 

Alone, Crawford let the cold air touch his naked skin. He shivered, longing for the security of not feeling or caring, which he somehow had lost.

To Be Continued 

Author's endnote : The last part will feauture an ooc Nagi and Farfarello and an explanation of the title. I plotted this ending from the beginning so I hope you won't dislike it.


	7. Schuldich

Counting the petals

Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz. 

Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. part 7/9. pov shifts. ooc-ness. some fluff (sorry!)

I slightly rewrote the ending [part 7, 8 and 9] of this at the suggestion of a very kind person. 

******************

[Schuldich pov]

The world looks sad today. It's raining. 

I eat my breakfast, hardly tasting what's in my mouth.

In the livingroom Farfarello is watching TV. I drop myself in a seat, determined not to leave it for the rest of the day. Hard to believe it was only yesterday evening I sat here waiting for you.

Nagi is in his room, 'working' on his computer. 

If we're not careful he'll become just like you, Crawford.

Introvert and cold. 

But as long as he spends most of his time hacking into security-systems for the fun of it, I guess I don't really have to worry.

I sigh softly.

I think I made a huge mess of my life yesterdaynight.

"You sound just like Nagi."

A cryptic remark for Farfarello who usually uses simple, basic words with clear meanings. 

But since it's not like I have anything better to do I might as well start a conversation.

Even if it's with a lunatic who lives to kill.

"Oh? In what way?"

"He got an e-mail that made him wonder if the person he's in love with actually loved him back."

Farfarello is far more perceptive than one would think.

However, he's still not a person to discuss my relationships with.

"Nagi's in love?"

"Yeah. And so are you, aren't you?"

I think one confession's more than enough. I shake my head.

"Me? Don't be stupid!"

He snorts. "I'm not. I notice things, Schuldich. You love him and now you wonder if he loves you back. And you think he doesn't, so you're sad."

"For your information : it's not just thinking. It's knowing. And I don't care either way."

That last came out a bit weak. I'm not used to Farfarello being so talkative.

"I told Nagi a sure way to determine if someone loves you or not. Want to know?"

I wonder what someone like Farfarello can possibly know about love.

I shrug. "What is it?" No harm in trying after all.

Seemingly at random he plucks a flower out of a nearby standing bouquet in a vase.

We bought it at the new flowershop in town, with a very funny name.

He hands it to me. It's a red rose, stripped from thorns. I look at him questioningly.

"You have to count the petals, plucking them. You start with 'he loves me' then 'he loves me not' and you continue that way till the last petal. And then you know."

A children's game. How typical of Farfarello. 

"Just try it, Schuldich. What harm can be in it?"

I raise my hands. "All right, all right. I'll do it."

On second thought, this seat isn't comfortable enough to sit in for the rest fo the day.

Not with a psycho nearby who seems determined to cure my love-life.

Which is no one's business but my own, thank you very much.

Walking out of the room I hear him calling after me.

"Remember to start with 'He loves me'. It's important you do it right."

I can't believe I'm even considering doing this.

Ah, well, here we go. 

"He loves me." I whisper, letting the first petal drop to the floor.

*****

[no specific pov]

As soon as Schuldich had left the room, Farfarello called out to Nagi in his mind.

//Nagi? I gave him the flower. Are you sure you counted right?//

//Yes, I'm absolutely sure. I don't make miscalculations. And I checked three times.//

//Do you think it'll work?//

//Nothing's sure. You did tell him to start with 'He loves me', didn't you?//

//Of course!//

//Then all we can do is wait.//

*****

[Schuldich pov]

Holding the now empty stem still in my hand I knock on the door to your office.

I know you're in there, working, not wanting to be interrupted.

"Yes, what is it?"

You sound less annoyed than I had expected and more tired.

"Crawford, it's me. Can I come in?"

I can be polite if I want to.

Or if it's more profitable to be so.

"All right then, but be quick about it. I'm busy."

A fair exchange ; I call you Crawford instead of Brad, and you allow me to enterr your sanctuary.

I open the door, to see you haven't even looked up.

"Well?" 

"I was just curious if there were going to be any missions the coming days."

If you are going to go off on your own again anytime soon.

Because I don't like surprises anymore.

"Not the next few days. There will be a phone-call Monday in the afternoon at 16:32. An all-team mission. Did you plan to go out?"

Sometimes I wish I had a bit of your Gift. It must be very convenient to know everything in advance. Though probably boring as well.

But anyway, enough politeness. Let's get down to business.

"Maybe. Are you interested? Say, tomorrow evening?"

Are you interested in me?

"You know I don't like the clubs you usually visit."

You're evading my question.

There are times when I think you're unable to give any direct answers.

It may be useful with the people you so often have to deal with, but I don't appreciate it.

"I was just asking. So you don't want to come?"

You don't want me? 

"No, I think I'd prefer to stay at home."

I twist my lips to a convincing pout. At least I hope it's convincing.

"Then I guess I won't go either. It's no fun on my own."

I don't want to be alone anymore.

I have had a taste from what it can be like to share everything with someone else and I want more. If you don't want to give me that, you leave me no choice.

"Nagi's going to stay with a friend from school for a few days. I agreed since it's important he gets to know some more normal people."

Why would I care about Nagi?

You lifted me up from the bleakness of a twisted world only to let me drop again, more desperate than before, when I had known nothing else. 

"More normal than the three of us, you mean."

The three of us, who will soon be just two.

I walk to the door, this conversation is finished after all.

I am ready to leave.

To leave it all ; you, Farfarello, Schwarz, Estet and everything else I cared about in my life.

For a last time my eyes wander about this place you spend so much of your time in.

And then I notice.

And I stop leaving.

I can't believe what my eyes are telling me.

There, on your always perfectly clean floor, lies a pile of petals. The empty stem lies on a table.

You notice my gaze, but don't say anything. You just look at me.

"You too?" I ask, knowing you'll understand the question.

"I saw little harm in humoring Farfarello's request."

I do my best not to laugh at you. Since when do you care about how Farfarello feels?

"And, liked the outcome?"

You look speculatively at the stem I still hold in my hand.

"What does it matter? It's not like it means anything."

"No, of course not."

Words never meant anything between us. 

I forgot.

We talk to eachother by our actions.

And yours are telling me everything I wanted to hear last night.

To think I almost threw everything away, because of some stupid words you refused to say ...

"And you?"

"Oh, I got exactly the answer I wanted to hear. As usual."

You nod. 

It may be just my imagination, but I think I see a hint of relief at you face.

You heard the words I did not speak.

"Well, I'll leave you to your work now."

Better go now, before my mouth ruins things again.

Before I'm gone you say something that makes me feel even more sure.

It's not entirely like you, but I'm not going to complain.

In a very indirect way, something good came of yesterdaynight after all.

"If you want to, we could have dinner together tomorrow. Unless you want to cook?"

"Sounds good." I say. "I hate cooking."

You know I don't. 

"I'm looking forward to it." I add, feeling reckless.

Even before I've reached the door you're focused on your work again.

But it doesn't matter.

The world looks bright today. I love rain.

TBC


	8. Crawford

Counting the petals

Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz. 

Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. part 8/9. ooc-ness. some fluff (sorry!)

I slightly rewrote the ending [part 7, 8 and 9] of this at the suggestion of a very kind person.

******************

[Crawford pov]

I rose early this morning, after a night of little sleep.

Usually working is a good way to keep my mind off less important mattters.

Like what I'm going to do or say the next time I see Schuldich.

I don't want to think about that.

I should keep focused on the numbers on the screen of my computer.

I know I can do that.

Easily. 

But my eyes and my mind keep returning to the empty stem on the table.

The small pile of petals still lies on the floor, where I dropped them.

I keep wondering if Nagi really got an e-mail from his lover.

If he did, I didn't see it. 

If he did, I should have.

I can read all of his e-mail, standard safety procedure for all Estet-teams.

Of course he might have noticed and found a way around it.

He is a computer-whizkid after all.

If he did, why the lie and the flower? 

If he didn't, can I believe in the outcome of Farfarello's 'test'?

A knock on the door sounds, breaking off my train of thoughts.

What use is precognition if it doesn't even warn you for simple things like this?

"Yes, what is it?"

I know who it is out there. I don't want him in here. 

"Crawford, it's me. Can I come in?"

Schuldich. No, you can't come in. You're distracting me from my work.

You'd like to hear me say that, I think. You like to have an impact on people, bad or good.

"All right then, but be quick about it. I'm busy."

The door opens. Your footsteps sound behind me as I haven't looked up from the screen.

"Well?" I ask, not turning, pretending everything is as it was.

"I was just curious if there were going to be any missions the coming days."

A polite, neutral question. I take my eyes from the numbers and allow them to wander to you.

"Not the next few days. There will be a phone-call Monday in the afternoon at 16:32. An all-team mission. Did you plan to go out?"

"Maybe. Are you interested? Say, tomorrow evening?"

I consider. What is it that you're offering? And what do you want in exchange?

"You know I don't like the clubs you usually visit."

"I was just asking. So you don't want to come?"

"No, I think I'd prefer to stay at home."

You pout, steadily on your way from 'polite' to 'annoying'.

"Then I guess I won't go either. It's no fun on my own."

That lie is so obvious I don't even respond to it. 

You sigh and look at something in your hand. 

It looks like the stem of a flower.

Uh, oh.

"Nagi's going to stay with a friend from school for a few days." I volunteer. "I agreed since it's important he gets to know some more normal people."

"More normal than the three of us, you mean."

I shrug. I'm not sure if it will really benefit Nagi in any way. It's worth a try though.

You rise, at the point of leaving me alone again. 

I don't know why, but something gives me the feeling you're not just walking out of my office.

Something tells me you're walking out of my life as well.

The same stupid feeling that made me pluck that flower, in an urge to know, to have a confirmation of some kind, now yells at me to get up and stop you.

I ignore it.

For all I know it could be just you, trying to trick me into something.

That's maybe the worst of living in one house with you ; I never can be completely sure of myself.

You are almost at the door now, almost gone [forever, a small voice adds, forever].

And then you freeze.

I follow your gaze.

Why did I leave that mess?

I wait for a mocking remark. 

"You too?" you ask softly, only a hint of amusement in your voice.

"I saw little harm in humoring Farfarello's request."

Considering his usual reuqests, this one was easy enough.

"And, liked the outcome?"

I look at the stem in your hand, wondering what outcome you got and what you thought of it.

"What does it matter? It's not like it means anything."

I have always based my life on logic and reason.

You are the random factor in it.

"No, of course not."

"And you?"

"Oh, I got exactly the answer I wanted to hear. As usual."

I nod. If you lie to others as often as you do I guess lying to yourself too comes naturally.

"Well, I'll leave you to your work now."

The little voice in my head remains silent, as if something important has just passed between us.

However, I'm not about to take any risks.

"If you want to, we could have dinner together tomorrow. Unless you want to cook?"

"Sounds good." you say. "I hate cooking."

I know you don't. And you know I know.

"I'm looking forward to it." you add, giving me your usual reckless smile.

As you walk to the door, I quickly turn my head to the comuter-screen again.

To hide the fact that I'm smiling too.

TBC


	9. Schuldich

Counting the petals

Disclaimer : I do not own Weiss Kreuz. 

Warnings/Notes : Schu x Brad-pairing. part 9/9. ooc-ness. some fluff (sorry!). time-shift in first part.

I slightly rewrote the ending [part 7, 8 and 9] of this at the suggestion of a very kind person.

******************

[Schuldich pov]

I asked Nagi if he really had received an e-mail from his lover today.

He just looked at me an told me to 'mind my own business'.

To which I replied that he'd better be a bit more polite if he didn't want me to mess up his precious lover's mind.

At which he said I couldn't do that because I had no idea who his lover was.

He was right, the brat.

For a moment we sat there in silence. 

And then he asked if me and Crawford had 'kissed and made up again'.

The answer he gave to my like-wise minded question was on the tip of my tongue, I admit.

Instead though I decided to consider the matter, trying to think like Crawford does ; logical and calm.

He hasn't told me he loves me.

He hasn't agreed to go out with me.

He hasn't even said he cared about me.

And yet I feel that he does those things.

"Sort of, I guess", I say.

He raises an eyebrow. "How can you 'sort of' make up?"

Nagi is not like Farfarello.

He is actually a normal thinking person, probably smarter than most.

I used to think he was a bit of a cold fish, but the fact that he does indeed have a lover and that they are together for nearly three months now without any major fights has proven me wrong.

"He didn't say he loved me." I admit.

Nagi sighs and I swear he sounds like an older man does at the follies of youth.

"It's Crawford we're talking about, remember?" he says. "So what did he say then, to make you look like your usual cheerful self again?"

Nagi despises cheerful people in the morning.

"Nothing at all really. Oh, he did mention you were going to stay with a friend for a few days."

"Yes, I do." Nagi smiles, and I get a sneaking suspicion about this 'friend' of his.

"And we have a date for dinner. No cooking for two."

"Did he say anything else?" 

He does his best not to look disappointed.

Who would have thought Nagi fancied himself as a peacemaker?

"Nagi, you set the two of us up, didn't you? Together with Farfarello?"

"What are you talking about?" 

He doesn't even bother to try and look innocent. 

"Those flowers you wanted me and him to 'count the petals' of. You cheated with them, didn't you? You made sure we would both get the answer you wanted us to get."

A flash of anger in his eyes. "The answer _I_ wanted? It was the answer you wanted as well. I was just tired of the two of you angsting."

"Well, don't expect me to thank you for it! I don't like people meddling in my relationships, not even when they do it with the best of intentions."

"You wouldn't even thank someone who saved your life, would you? Well, I didn't do it just for you. I did it for Crawford too, though I really don't know why he cares so much."

"How would you know he cares?"

I'm actually curious to that. Something told me the same this morning in his office, but I can't quite name it.

All right, he counted those stupid petals. That doesn't mean anything much, does it?

Just that he was curious to find out if ..... if I loved him?

I _told_ him I did! 

And he didn't believe me.

He actually believes some lifeless flower over me?

A flower, I might add, selected by Nagi and Farfarello. He's sure to find out that, if he doesn't know already.

"Schuldich," Nagi sounds tired, "the number of petals on a flower doesn't have anything to do with whether or not two people are in love. What counts is that you both wanted to find out if the other loved you. You'd only do that if you already cared about that other person. Otherwise it would be useless information. That you chose a rather unreliable way to try and find out, instead of having an honest conversation is beyond me, but I guess it's a personality-thing."

I blink. That was quite a speech, coming from Nagi.

"So you're saying ...."

He throws up his hands in desperation.

"Yes, you fool! He loves you and you love him and you should be happy together instead of sulking around whenever you have a misunderstanding!"

"I'll try." It all sounds a lot more logical when Nagi says it. 

"I should hope so." He rises. "Well, I had better start packing."

Ah, yes. 

"Nagi?"

"Yes, Schuldich?"

"Thank you."

"You owe me."

"More than you know."

"Good. Don't forget that."

I think I will go into town this afternoon.

Maybe I'll buy some more flowers at that new flowershop.

They seem to brighten up people's lifes.

~OWARI~

Endnote : The 'flowershop with the funny name' is of course the Koneko. [Kitten in the House does not sound like a normal name for a flowershop to me]. The identity of Nagi's 'lover' I will leave to your imagination.


End file.
